The Shopkeeper

Today I had to do what seems to be, at this moment, the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Today I decided whether I would conquer my greatest fears and obtain my childhood dream or continue to hold on to the past. Okay so it seems to be a no brainer when written out, but acting on this notion was a completely different animal, in fact it has taken me 3 years of dissatisfaction to finally let go.

All I kept hearing in my head was "Don't be like the shopkeeper, you're not the shopkeeper". In the book "The Alchemist",  the shopkeeper is this guy who had all these dreams but when given the opportunity to act on them, chose to keep dreaming because it was more comfortable. For the past three years I have been like the shopkeeper, dreaming, but not fully deciding to be the dream--stationary and not growing and I didn't want to play this role anymore.

So a little background....In 2005 I came up with the idea for my first company, The Original Basket Builders. I was so excited about the thought of being a business owner and I was excited about my family's reaction especially my mom and sister. My mom had all of these great crafty ideas and my sister actually came up with the name Basket Builders! After creating a website and logo, opening a bank account and 2 years of making gift baskets and marketing I realized that I was more in love with the thought of making gift baskets than actually making them. But over and over again when I was at the brink of letting it go, I remembered my mother's excitement and all the time I put into the business. To let go would mean I was a failure, not just to me but to my family. My heart was no longer in it, but I didn't want this to be another "something" that I didn't complete. I kept saying to myself, "maybe I don't love the business side of it...maybe its sucking the fun out of creating the baskets" so I just pressed through the growing disdain that I had for the business. Meanwhile, a business that could have been extremely successful was just a drain to my money, my time and my mind and it was because my heart wasn't in it. There was no passion.


"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure."

In January of this year, after much deliberation, I opened my first etsy shop, SoL 9 Designs. SoL 9 is a manifestation of every dream of being a designer that I've ever had.  I remember sitting in my room as a child drawing different dresses...I remember designing prom dresses in highschool....I remember coming home after graduating from college planning fashion shows and eventually entering my clothes into a show. Starting to get the picture? No matter where I go or what I do, this is one of those dreams that never goes away. But what if I fail? What if I'm not successful? This was all just my fear talking not me. The "real" me knew that it was time to step out and do what scared the crap out of me...thus my SoL 9 etsy shop. I now know the difference between love and like. The passion I feel for SoL9 far surpasses anything I've ever felt for OBB. I feel alive and the business stuff just acts as a motivator to do more and be more creative. I know what I must do.

Fast forward to today. I realize that in order for me to fully succeed at SoL 9 I have to let go of my past. I feel like an addict trying to quit. How can I just get rid of OBB? Won't that make me a failure?

My husband gave me this awesome visual: You're holding on to the past with one hand. With the other hand you're reaching for your goals and you're so close to grasping them. The only way you can grasp your future, the only way you can grasp your goals is by letting go of the past.

'Nough said. Just because the business failed does not mean I am a failure. It means that I was smart enough to cut my losses and spend time on a venture that I'm passionate about and can really succeed in. I know now that the time spent in OBB wasn't a waste. I couldn't even begin to describe all I learned from that experience and I'm grateful. But there is nothing more to learn so its time to move on. If what's draining you can't be fixed let it go. So today I finally learned the art of letting go. Today I am no longer the shopkeeper, I am Santiago, The Alchemist.